DEAR KELLY

 Dear Kelly,

I miss life with you, Kel. 

It was simple and stable - not in a financial sense, but in a way that truly mattered. I always knew I had someone I loved and who loved me back. Someone who never caused trouble, someone so cute and silly in her own way.

My life wasn't perfect, but you being there gave me strength during difficult times. I miss our moments together - the times when I'd pause from work just to play with you, the times I'd come home and feel my heart race with excitement because I couldn't wait to see you. Every single time.

I miss the way you'd insist on going for a walk, from those early days when you could run endlessly to the later years when age slowed you down. No matter what, we were always together.

I'm sorry for the times I had to leave home for long hours or when I went on vacation. But I never forgot you, not for a second. In fact, you were the reason I couldn't wait to return. In these last few years, I felt separation anxiety more than ever. The moment I left the house, I already missed you. You were always on my mind.

Kelly, losing you is the second worst thing that could ever happen to me. The worst would have been me leaving this world before you.

Ever since you've been gone, my life has felt like a storm I can't escape. I find myself questioning my decisions, doubting myself in ways I never did before. I know-logically-that the odds of you surviving without surgery were low and that you might have been in even greater pain. But I can't erase the image of you before and after the operation. It haunts me, and the pain surrounds me like a fog, keeping me from seeing what's ahead.

I tried to fight my sorrow by keeping Carla. But things didn't work out the way I hoped, and it only deepened my wounds. I hope you both can forgive me. I'm sorry for not being stronger, for not sorting out my emotions in a better way. I feel lost, like I'm losing my grip. I took Carla in because I was so afraid of what I might become without you, but I don't know if I made the right choice.

Whatever happens in the future, I hope I learn to trust myself again.

Please watch over me, my dear child. Please pray for me from wherever you are. I hope you're resting well.

Love you so much,

Yola

March 18, 2025